Archive - Duffel Blog

Duffel Blog’s guide to failing your sleep study

If you soil yourself you’re guaranteed to be flagged for having something wrong with you.

Aug 27 •

Pentagon changes rear admiral rank to something less gay

Historic title to be replaced with something the SECDEF can say without giggling

Aug 25 •

National Guard mobilized to pick fruit

Governor hails “historic partnership” between citrus industry and underpaid weekend warriors

Aug 22 •

Chimp hanging upside down from lectern named new Pentagon spokesman

Banana tariffs, China, and showing his butt top agenda for new flack

Aug 20 •

D.C. man forgets to thank Guardsman for his service while being detained

Witnesses say the disrespect rivaled Pearl Harbor, 9/11, and kneeling during the anthem

Aug 18 •

Putin meets with high-level asset in Alaska

U.S. intel community describes situation as “super-weird, even for Alaska”

Aug 15 •

and

Task Force Football Bat

Adm. McRaven hasn’t made his bed in years, sources say

Sources say unmade bed had more loose ends than the Afghanistan withdrawal

Aug 13 •

Pete Hegseth thrown onto court at WNBA game

Police officer removes SECDEF using towel and rubber gloves

Aug 11 •

Bernard Buttersquash

Trump gets Greenland in blockbuster three-way trade with Spain

Trade deadline shocker shakes up NATO division standings

Aug 8 •

Fort Hood promises to keep murdering soldiers, despite name change

Rebrand includes new signage, commemorative coins, and same culture of unanswered questions and haunted latrines.

Aug 6 •

Marine Commandant realizes this is just how it’s going to be now

Commandant confirms it’s not temporary dysfunction—it’s the mission.

Aug 4 •

Naval Academy summer program teaches kids how to be racist, tie knots

Program blends soft skills, hard prejudice, and light tobacco use.

Aug 1 •

#nojs-banner { position: fixed; bottom: 0; left: 0; padding: 16px 16px 16px 32px; width: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; background: red; color: white; font-family: -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 13px; } #nojs-banner a { color: inherit; text-decoration: underline; } This site requires JavaScript to run correctly. Please turn on JavaScript or unblock scripts